I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
