He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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