Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
