I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
