Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
