No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
