there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
