Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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