$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize