he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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