Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
