I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
