We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
