I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
