I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
