I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
