Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
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