Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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