She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
