Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Randomize