my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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