someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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