there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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