He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
