sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize