the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
