Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
