Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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