Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
