just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
