just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
