I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
