No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
