I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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