those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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