guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
