I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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