she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
