I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
