I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
