just survived the first fart of the relationship.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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