Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
