I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
