It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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