so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
