i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
