dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize