you guys were way drunker than both of me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I am naked and annoyed.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
