puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
