When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
