Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
My feet surprised me
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
