please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
