I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
