She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
