Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
