Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
