i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize