I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
