Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
