It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
