farters have to be the big spoon...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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