Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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