You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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