please come you make the beer taste better
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
