Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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