Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
