I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
