I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize