Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
