at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
