I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
