Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
