Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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