you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
