Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
