we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
