ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
