You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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