are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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