drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
