It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
