So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
