discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
