with your own penis?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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