He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
