wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
