I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Im part way to drunk.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
