After last night, I could never be a politician.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
