i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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