just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
