apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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