I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
