I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
