The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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